If there’s one thing we’ve learned over the years, it’s that President Donald J. Trump loves two things: gold furniture and using his status as U.S. president to make money. And now, to everyone’s detriment, Trump is apparently combining those two passions into a mobile device that you can buy with real American tender. It gives me no pleasure to introduce to you all: the Trump phone.

🚨BREAKING: The Trump family is LAUCHING a "Trump Phone" the phones will be made in the USA 🇺🇸

Mobile plans will offer a flagship "47 Plan," which costs $47.45 per month. pic.twitter.com/ZXEXPKLTSS

— The Patriot Oasis™ (@ThePatriotOasis) June 16, 2025

The T1, as Trump’s family is calling it, will launch alongside an all-new mobile network, Trump Mobile, and comes with an aptly named “47 Plan,” which costs an even more apt $47.45 per month. You can use Trump Mobile with your existing device, apparently, but why would you do that if you could show everyone your appreciation for fascism with a whole-ass gold phone? Trump is also claiming the T1 will be “made in the USA,” though I have doubts there’s much truth to that. At most, it’ll be assembled in America. There’s a reason why Apple—with all of its resources—can’t just make iPhones in America overnight or even within a few years.

Here’s a statement from President Trump himself on the launch of the phone:

“Trump Mobile is going to change the game, we’re building on the movement to put America first, and we will deliver the highest levels of quality and service. Our company is based right here in the United States because we know it’s what our customers want and deserve.”

This isn’t Trump’s first attempt at a cash grab that leverages his status and fame as POTUS—he’s already peddled gaudy gold sneakers, crypto, and NFTs—but for me, the T1 is by far the most egregious. Phones aren’t just another product; they’re a gateway into everything you do, say, and think. While Trump’s team unsurprisingly doesn’t mention privacy one single time in its announcement of the T1, there are lots of inherent concerns there. The good news is that this phone is so bad I don’t really think most people, outside of Trump’s diehard supporters, will be tempted to buy it, let alone use it every day.

Here’s a list of quick facts about the $500 T1: It has a below-average 5,000mAh battery that Trump’s team accidentally calls a “long life camera” and there are no details on the processor, though if it’s as quick as the person who wrote the press materials, I’m going to assume that it’s not great. There’s a tri-camera system with no ultrawide, though it does have a 50-megapixel main sensor and what can only be garbage 2-megapixel depth and macro cameras.

Oh, and the T1 runs Android 15. There’s no mention of what apps are pre-installed, but if I were to guess… it’s probably Truth Social. I’ll grant you one free silent cry today in remembrance of a time before blatant conflicts of interest in the White House.

The phone, if it wasn’t a depressing reminder that our country has no standards anymore, would be fine, but for obvious reasons, it’s not that, so I’ve gone ahead and made a list of all the things I’d sooner buy over the Trump phone:

• A mouthful of bees.
• A massage from a fistful of poison ivy.
• A five-night stay on Riker’s Island.
• A colonoscopy with no sedation.
• A bath in molten lava.
• A Cybertruck… Actually, that one is debatable.

I don’t think anyone should buy this phone for lots of reasons, but one of the main reasons is it just doesn’t seem like a good deal. There are tons of nice mid-range phones out there that are doing a lot more, and there’s no reason for you to buy a stunt phone that will probably end up unsupported and underserved faster than you can misspell “coverage” as “covfefe.” That being said, if you suck, you can pre-order this device right now.